Saturday, August 29, 2009

Confession

As I was driving home late from work last night listening to the radio, a song came on (see below) that talked about giving God an offering of self - laying the self down as a gift to Him. A brief thought hit me that I had no awareness existed in me: why would God want that gift, it seems cheap?

It was truly an Ah-Ha moment as I took another moment to think about that thought (metacognition, thankyouverymuch McHenry). Why would God want or even care about an offering of self? What could be so valuable about giving the Creator who has and is everything myself?

Because to do so is to willingly lay down my rebelliousness and accept His free offer of forgiveness and grace. It's the only thing I can give God that is pleasing to Him.

I then realized a truth: somewhere deep inside of me I had been operating under the belief that I could somehow do something for God that He would be pleased with. Maybe if I read my Bible consistently... or pray more fervently... or give of my time and money to those who are needy... The problem is that all of these are my efforts to please God - human, sinful, self-centered, self-referencing attempts to show God that I am worthy of His love and acceptance. The result of such a life is emptiness and shallow satisfaction that robs God of the opportunity to do miracles in and through me.

It's weird to me how that belief was there unbeknownst to me - even though I know in my head and truly belief the real truth (that the only thing I can give God is myself). I'm glad that God revealed this to me, though. Now I can give up trying to be something I'm not, and let God be everything I am.

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